Lessons we have (re)learned from the federal government shutdown

1. President Obama’s attitude was really a show of what it feels like to have children in a candy store. The lesson is you don’t take them to a candy store. They’ll just want everything.
2. Rather than fix government, government takes to every cable news outlet to blame each other for failing to “represent the American people”. I’m pretty sure none of them have met an actual American citizen that wasn’t placed behind them while they were speaking to make it look like they care.
3. No one can accurately explain budgets, markets, or anything in a language most people understand, especially on television. As far as most people are concerned, the Treasury runs on /magic/!
4. Any deal reached that re-opens the government is immediately followed by Democrats cheering, fist-bumping, and high-fiving each other before going on TV and telling us that the Republicans “lost”.
5. Mitch McConnell’s support can be bought for the low, low price of two billion dollars.
6. Ted Cruz is really just annoying to listen to after the billionth time he utters something. He looks like Bill Murray anyway. OH MY GOD I UNDERSTAND NOW. GROUNDHOG DAY. DEBT-CEILING DEADLINE DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
7. Rush Limbaugh was handed two weeks of uninterrupted liberal cannon fodder to chew through. Great job guys, you’re doing a stellar job curbing a major political figurehead.
8. CNN can occasionally write something that makes sense. No, really!
9. When it comes to shutdowns and debt-crises, what does Richard “Dick Dasterdly” Blumenthal worry about? Connecticut’s share of the payback pie. Naturally.
10. We’ll all be doing this again soon enough.

This entry was posted in Originals and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *