I like parties. I like being around people usually, but I find that back in yesteryear, parties were fun, they sometimes involved games, or it was just awesome random fun with very little alcohol involved. Today all the parties we have involve alcohol, and a lot of it, and they are still fun, but as much as I try to put myself into a fun state of mind and get involved and try not to be a stick-in-the-mud, it doesn’t always work.
Last night’s NYE party was pretty good, and I was really looking forward to it for some reason, even though I didn’t really have any friends there aside from one or two. I tried to hang around the room where the most people were, tried to talk up conversations, tried to be a bit proactive. But all I could do was stand in the back and watch people hammer shots, jello shots, gummy bears soaked in alcohol, drinks, and have fun with each other. My side and back hurt from all the cleaning and things I was doing before the party, I ended up spending the majority of the night playing Mario Kart Wii in the bedroom talking to Ola who also retreated in the back to lay down for a bit. Several times Ashlynn came in and sounded upset that I wasn’t with the rest of the party, and I tried to not make her feel bad, it was her party and friends, she should have fun.
I wish I could make friends as easily as she can, among many other things I wish I could do, but I am just not the same outward person she is. I don’t feel the need to drink to have a good time, and I especially don’t want to start just to be “a fun guy again”
Sigh. I’m probably over thinking this.