One of the things I am very careful about doing where I work is revealing too much of my personal identity to people. Unlike most extroverted people who can spell themselves out like a novel at a moment’s notice, I prefer to control who knows what. Most of the people around me that I talk to frequently, and the fewer on Facebook, know the most, and even then, I don’t try to advertise too much. It’s a defense mechanism, and it’s one that was probably conjured up back in middle school to keep people from harassing me over my interests. When I got to the professional workplace, I found it was incredibly easy to mark yourself persona non-grata to some people if you came off too weird, had polar-opposite political views, made some bad jokes, and so on. I am the sort of person who lacks a lot of filters to life, so I have to often control what I say so as to not say something stupid.

The internet has always made that feeling disappear for me. Perhaps it is the pseudo-anonymity, perhaps it is just the nature of the internet itself, but it has become a necessary crutch for me throughout the years to cope with the challenges of everyday life. Here, I can shitpost about what I want without people judging me. That isn’t to imply that I go on a chan board and dump paragraphs of racist remarks or post pictures of dongs everywhere, but it’s more that I can be a huge fucking nerd and it’s more widely accepted without reservation, unless I am in some weird forum full of people talking about toasters. I actually, for the most part, conduct myself about the same way online as I do offline, because I feel it’s important to maintain personal integrity wherever you go.

I write a lot, link a lot, share a lot, and read a lot. Things fascinate me. Things make me want to know and understand. It’s easier to conduct this business online because frankly, no one really reads it, and if they do, they don’t comment or make it known. Perhaps they judge, and perhaps they avoid me like one would in real-life. But without knowing, I guess that is easier to cope with. It’s not that I particularly care if people do not like me, or associate with me, if they think I am weird or a terrible person for some nuanced viewpoint. I obviously don’t want people to hate me, but I am not the sort of extroverted person who spends energy pursuing personal connections when I can utilize that time on my own things.

I suppose there may be a day when my internet identity fades away, and that I might be more extroverted and assertive in real-life. But until then, this blog, and other things I do, are sort of my therapy. No shrinks, psychiatrists, or drugs. No alcohol, tobacco, or anything else illegal. Your first thought was “No drinking? How do you do it?”

I’m just that badass.