One of the most troublesome effects of being a home owner has been addressing all of the things about loving that you didn’t have to worry about before. I can’t count the number of people who said any manner of things to me about being a new homeowner and having to face all sorts of difficulties. It’s really kind of disappointing that primary education doesn’t teach you more of the basics of dealing with these things, though they’d be happy to teach you about the oppression brought on by the patriarchy. Priorities.

But when it comes down to it, it’s a battle of the financials. It costs money to keep this place up, and even more to improve it for the better. We both work to try to realize that, but some days it is like fighting and uphill battle. In many ways, I am a bit envious and jealous of people who sort of brush aside economics and just do whatever, be it kids, vacations, binge drinking, or whatever they desire. I’ve been rendered from long ago to be responsible about everything, from working to spending. I’ve defied those rules many times, but as much as I try to step backwards to a child-like simpler time, society dictates I must be a man, an adult, and never stop climbing.

That climb though, it stings. I’m in my thirties now, and having made some mistakes in the last ten years, I’ve finally reached a point where I can step into the next stage of life, having a family, a career, and eventually a man cave. But like most of my life, the struggles to make these things happen are real, and they’re measured in dollars and cents, when they really shouldn’t be. It’s upsetting that I didn’t do more long ago to be more successful, to make enough to do the things we need done so that everything works out. It’s upsetting I am not doing more now to try to correct these things so that we’re not just sinking into the freezing depths playing the tune. It’s the most upsetting that the current issues we face aren’t even mine, and yet my being somewhat of a control freak and the need to figure out solutions leads me to stick myself in this somehow.

They say money buys you happiness. That’s a delusion fit for the finest children of the land. But it could buy a lot of home projects. So, you know, if you’re rich and are just going to piss away a couple of thousand for some shitty politician, give it to me. I promise it won’t make me happy, but it will bring me closure.