Look, I get it, when you see something that reminds you of the warm and fuzzy feelings you had as a child, you immediately think it is going to be the best thing ever. Very more often then not though, it turns out to be a huge disappointment. Probably just like your parents going to a concert for any band from the 1970s through the 1990s. You love the music, but the experience isn’t the same, because all these new kids trying to be “retro hipsters” are stealing your thunder.

But really, a lot of things from twenty years ago just don’t work anymore. Old video games are a toss-up, some are so well executed that they’ve withstood the rigors of time, or have been remade for today’s audiences. Movies are being rebooted because god forbid people experience the originals. Because let’s face it, shitty special effects and 8-bit graphics and sound are too much for today’s increasingly low-attention ADHD-riddled populace that doesn’t understand the joke unless it comes out in the form of a Peter Griffin fart. Like the time I~

But executives know you love old shit. They know you can’t get enough of that nostalgia you crave, and as long as you have your wallet out contributing to Reading Rainbow’s internet expansion project, they’re hoping you’re willing to spend just as much if not more on the next big thing from forty years ago. They’ll put some effort into it in order to keep the hype train alive, but what you end up getting is typically massive disappointment due to the fact that it wasn’t like it used to be. Welcome to every supernerd’s kyrptonite, the remake, the reboot, and the revival. Trying to bring something back for new audiences is one thing, completely ruining the original just to turn a buck is another.

Really though, I imagine every generation does this, but it’s worse with ours, because we didn’t have the internet to share our experiences of what we watched back then. Now that we do, we want everyone to realize how great these things were, when in fact, almost all of them were horribly dated, and twenty years later, just look campy and lame. A great number of memories you have with something really should be preserved in the time they were made. Trying to relive anything is a futile waste of effort in a linear existence.