Wow, it’s 2015 already.

I thought 1990 was a pretty important milestone when I was six, and 2000 was even more impressive at sixteen. Human existence is something I still struggle to quantify, especially as the years just continue to tick upwards. At thirty-one, I look back at ten years of my life and while I can justifiably say a lot happened, it doesn’t feel like a lot has happened. It doesn’t feel like much happened at all. Linear existence is a funny thing, but we humans live for the present moment, the single-most current point in time, because it’s what we’re immediately conscious of. Once it’s past, it’s past, and the future has yet to be, only that future is constantly being as we speak. I can reasonably guess what I will be doing in fifteen minutes, but anything can still happen in fifteen minutes.

I don’t do new years resolutions. I think they’re things people do to prove to their friends they aren’t procrastinators, but they procrastinate anyway. We all do. I am lazy as shit, more often than not. I’d rather acknowledge that than add to the phoniness of social media with things I think I’ll do and find excuses not to later on. Rather, my 2015 will be spent trying to reinforce the decisions I made in 2014. We bought a house, I’m still working through the job I got in 2013, trying to advance and learn new things. We have a lot of internal house work to accomplish, but the barrier to that is money. It’s going to cost a lot, and it’s difficult when you’re still hanging somewhat low on the totem pole career-wise. I’ve never been one for class-envy, but when I think of how much money rich people and corporations spend on excess, it’s painful. I’m not asking someone to fund my life, and I’d rather work for what I make than take a hand-out, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t thinking “Hey, spare me 10k to finish my basement for my mother-in-law so we all can live comfortably and focus on starting a family.” I’ve never made it a point to crawl or beg, or play internet professional victim and solicit money. I’m just an honest guy making an honest living. But it’s tough, it’s really tough to listen to your wife continue to hold off on important life changes because of logistical issues concerning this milestone in our lives. It’s no one’s fault, and if someone tries to make it their fault, you’re really doing me a disservice.

But beyond that, there are a lot of personal goals I do want to try to hit this year. Most are work-related, but I also want to try to restart many of my old hobbies I used to dabble in decades ago. Drawing, models, camping, hiking, things I stopped doing because I just let them fall by the wayside. It pains me every time I think about it or say something about it and the response is “Well you don’t do that anymore.” My number one pet-peeve, above all else, is being told I can’t do something. If you ever want to push my button and piss me off, just hit that one and watch the sparks fly. I am not a nice mean person when the dial reaches eleven. It’s something I work really hard to control, because I know where that path has led, and it’s not pretty. This isn’t to imply I haul-off on my wife when she reminds me I haven’t drawn since we got together, it’s just a matter-of-fact that irks me when I realize the reason I haven’t drawn is because I can’t just sit down and do it. I’m always distracting myself with something else. I consume more than I produce, and that bothers me.

So 2015.. it’s not going to be a year of EVERYTHING IS MAGICAL. But hopefully, it will not be a year of EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP. It’s only day four after all. Three-hundred and sixty-one days left to go.