Last year I attempted to get onto some kind of fitness program after my family’s seven-hundredth time reminding me I’m fat. That worked until the goddamn power outage week around Halloween that we never quite recovered from. Over the past year I’ve attempted to cut out some things, with moderate successes and failures. This year I joined Courthouse Plus, and hopefully this time I can stick to something.

I’ve never been skinny. Maybe when I was little, but as long as I could remember I’ve been fat. I like food, fuck you. I listen to Michelle Obama and hundreds of other jokes talk about fitness in America and how we’re all overweight sacks of lard, and I laugh, because honestly, I don’t see a lot of this around me. In fact, most of the people I pass in a shopping center or park are skinny people who tell me they eat Wendys all fucking day. So you can imagine how much I often hate myself for the fact that I can’t eat delicious food on a daily basis because if I do, I’ll die of a goddamn heart attack before I reach 40.

But you know, I understand why fitness is important, and I understand why eating better in important. Even if I failed a lot of my fitness goals in the past year because I am horrifically lazy, I did at least cut out some things. I drink significantly less soda, I eat more fruits and vegetables, I don’t eat too much red meat, I eat more yogurt and cottage cheese for probiotics, I drink more water daily, and I order smaller portion sizes when I do eat out, including fast food. I like to think that even if I haven’t lost much weight over the past year, I’ve controlled it and put myself in a good position to get back on track. With my fiancee’s fitness goals for the wedding next year, I joined the same gym she joined and have started to go weeknights after work for 30-45 minutes. It’s not much, but considering I work until 530-6PM daily, I don’t want to spend too much time there so I can get home and eat before it gets too late. I buy stuff to make lunch at work from Aldis weekly so I don’t have to go out anywhere, and although I partake in the occasional pizza or other crowdsourced option, it not only helps regulate what I eat but save me some money, as Aldis is awesome cheap and what I buy there can often last a week and a half or so for the price of 1.5 trips to Burger King.

Besides eating and gym fitness though, I think of the things I do outside of the gym as important too. I clean around the apartment a lot, which definitely is a workout from time to time, I haul laundry up and down 2.5 flights of stairs bi-weekly, I do most of the grocery shopping so I am out and about, walking and lifting things, and I try to orchestrate tasks around the apartment or elsewhere to do once and awhile to not only get things done, but just be doing something. I like my anime and video games, I am not going to give those up, but when I think about how I spend a lot of time in front of a computer sitting during the work week, I also remember that I should be doing other things when I am not. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it should count.

I have pretty moderate goals, I’m not looking to be buff, or twig-shaped, but I’d like to be able to run without feeling like death again, to possibly participate in fitness challenges, to not wear a shirt and feel ashamed of myself, to wear XL shirts instead of 2XL shirts, to buy nicer looking pants, and a lot of other feels. Being fat has never bothered me, because if that’s the only thing bothering you about life, you aren’t living it. But I don’t think it is unreasonable for a person to feel bad about not doing more for themselves, to want to look better, feel better, do more, and want more. I’m doing all these fitness goals not because other people call me fat, or tell me I should lose weight, but because I want to feel better about myself and my future. You haters can go fuck yourselves, I’ll come over to your house with a bacon-on-bacon-on-bacon-on-meat-on-bacon-on-donut sandwhich and eat it in front of your face, I don’t give a fuck if I die at that point. =D